Amazing Love, Thanks to my Family and Friends

My sweet sweet Jessica...

Jessica and Chad decorating Granny & Paw Paw tree this was a tradition in our family for years. These two amazing kids loved to do anything together...

Oh lordy Chad says, "Jess get off my tractor"

LOL They didn't do much without one another..... Cousin Love, it is amazing...











At this point, our days seemed to run together, I amy skip over parts as I am trying to write this chapter of my life and may have time frames incorrect, but I pray I don't leave anything important out..

While we were at Duke University did I mention that my baby sister Stacy Gough, left her home, left her boy friend, her job her life basically and she moved in with us.... She was at Duke with us, Jessica loved her some "Face" (that is what we use to call her)... Stacy got to do the "Macaranna with the Clown for Jessica in her very own hospital room" the family love and support I felt from everyone was "amazing love" ... We arrived back in Asheville where Stacy and I tried to find the strength to get through this a postive as we could.  I made a chart of all 17 medications Jessica now had to take, I had to give her a shot at 1:00 in the afternoon and this was so hard... the first time I went to give my baby a shot, I did not press down hard enough so it just poked her and bled, needless to say she and I both were crying at this point.  But mommy fixed that I went to the Pharmacy and I purchased the best numbing cream offered.... Yep no more would I make my baby cry.

The medications were necessary however, one med caused another med to do yet something else to that babies body.. It was hard to watch.  She was loosing her peripheral vision at this point and could no longer ride her bike, she knew now that she could not return to school, and that was very very sad (she loved her school).  I attempted to return to work since I had my baby sister there to help me (words will never be able to express what that meant to me to have her there).  I was in management at Asheville Family Heatlh Center so it was important that I attempt to show up (That pracitce was beyond amazing to me and my family)...

Days were cut very short as poor Stacy was taking care of Jessica and I would get that phone call "Sis Jessica is throwing up again" Quickly without thought I rushed home.

We all tried our best to make Jessica happy and comfortable, she was in an out of Mission Hospital... then on October 10, 1996 we went back to the hospital (on 10/11 Haw Creek had made arrangements for her to come to lunch with her class mates) on November 15, 1996 she was to meet her idol Celine Dion through "Make a Wish foundation", her favorite song was "Because you loved me", thankfully she was able to make her other wish come true and that was to have Glamour Shots made before she lost her hair... They were so beautiful.... But back to the day and night that changed my life forever.....

October 10, 1996 (just 9 days before her 9th birthday) we were back at Mission Hospital, Stacy was by our side as well... They wanted to keep her over night and then they promised we could go home and as long as she wore her mask she could go to lunch with her class... That night Stacy slept in one bed, her daddy slept in the bed beside the bed that Jessica and I slept in.... She began to breath really hard during the night, I woke up screaming for the nurses, when the doctor and the nurse arrived they told me "This was it" just hold her... I can not even tell you how I was feeling at this very moment but helpless as a mother that I could not take this away from her and give it to myself.... Shortly after what seemed seconds I was holding Jess and she took her last breath in my arms....

After that seems like a blurr to me and nothing else seemed to matter... I shut off from the world, I shut off from my husband and from my friends and family but most of all I shut off from my baby daughter 4 1/2 at the time Jorden Nicole Holcombe...  I did not meant to shut down but I did, I couldn't eat, sleep, take a shower nor come out of my room until one day Jorden came into my bedside and she said "Mommy my tummy hurts am I going to die like Ki Ki (This is the name Jorden gave Jessica since she could not say sissy).  At that very momement I shot out of the bed hugged her and said "oh no baby you are going to be just fine" but really how could I tell her that, "You Never Know if you will have tomorrow". I got the phone book and I found help... I needed help so that I could focus on Jorden and get through this most horrific thing I have ever been through.

My "amazing love" was my family and friends.  Stacy for giving up her life to live mine with me, Tami for driving to Asheville (from Gastonia) daily if I needed to see her Jess and to make sure her Sister was ok.  My parents were my rock.... I never felt more love in my life time then I felt during this tragic moment.  They gave me "maybe" 2 years...I got 6 weeks..  How do you go on, how do you love again, how do you rid yourself of anger, regret, sorrow... How was I going to forgive "God"?  I was scared and alone in my marriage at this point, what was I going to do?

 At the top of her foot stone was "Because you loved me" Jessica sang this song almost everyday.... We played this song at her services.  She was our "Ki Ki" ...

I visit this site weekly to this day, I did not stop being her mother, I have a responsibility to take care of her sourrondings and make them beautfiul with her favorite color... That baby loved "Purple"

Jessica said to me one day "Mom I am going to catch that moon some day" and guess what "she did catch that moon"... And someday I will see her again and I will be able to put my arms around her again..... Until then Jessie Bo...