A "sister" is a gift from God, sent from above to make life worthwhile here below... I was blessed with 4 gifts from GOD... I am truly blessed...
Tami, Dawn, Stacy and Amanda ~ I am so thankful for you all....
A "perfect" sister I am not but thankful for the ones I've got...................
My mother and my stepfather (Brenda AKA Granny, and Don AKA Paw Paw)
Mom, We have lived closer in miles than me and the rest of my family. And that is hard for all of us.
My mother is a great mother I do not know how I could ask for more, she has loved me so very much and so very un-conditionally my entire life...
I am her Pooh Bear.. I love you momma
Don, man he didn't sign up for all of this, but he sure has been good to me... He makes me feel like I am his own...He is a wonderful step-father, he has never once tried to take my dad's place in my life, he has loved and respected that bond between me and my father, but I can tell you he has been a wonderful fill~in... I love you Don
My dad and my stepmother (Larry AKA Bo Bo, Barbara AKA Nana)
My Dad, I hate the miles between us.. But that has never slowed down our love. He is a strong man a great father. He has taught me un-conditional love as well. What a man...
Barbara, what a wonderful lady she has been in my life, she sure didn't sign up for one of me either but she embraced me as "her own" I love you Barbara very much...
I also have two wonderful step brothers; Clay Thomas and Rae Thomas,
so many miles between us and our life is so busy but we all love one another and will always be there for each other no matter what.
Sorry I got off track, but before my emotions got the best of me I needed to speak about my wonderful family, for I would have never become who I am today with out them...
I like to remind myself and trust me I do so many times that:
THE LOVE OF A FAMILY IS LIFE"S GREATEST BLESSING
I know that through this journey I am trying to speak about, I will leave out so many things that I want to say, good grief you would be reading for hours if I spoke of the many things that have happened in my life both good and bad.
With my precious Jessica gone, I have learned to see life differently, I am not always the nicest person in the world, God knows I have made my fair share of mistakes, as a mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. But those who have stood by my and loved me despite all my mistakes and bad decision making I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Forgiveness is not always easy and sometime we have to be okay just forgiving within our hearts even if you don't see a resolution to make things right, I have now come to grips with that, and I accept that and embrace it, for I am trying so hard to "FORGIVE" myself.
I have never claimed to be perfect (OK, maybe in joking) but serious I above anyone know that I am not, however I do know that I have had a lot of sadness in my life some that continues to bark upon my life and place me in dark places where I do not want to be, but nevertheless it is my life, I also know that I try hard not to dwell on that, I have tried hard (but not without fail) to love, be kind and try to do the right things, but if you are human you know as well as I know that it is not possible to always be that person. I have said things, thought things, acted on words and out of emotion but I have always had a heart, and I always try to forgive as I hope that people in my life can forgive me as well.
I refuse to harbor those mistakes anymore, I refuse to not try and make myself a better person, FOR ME and for my family... I owe myself that. Those that love me will accept that or not it can not be my worry anymore for I know that I will always love them. I will continue to grow and learn and if I am not learning then I guess I am really not living...
In a perfect world I would love to right all the wrong I have done over the past 42 years but I can not accomplish that... With the help of my therapist "Dan Cogswell" he is allowing me to be me, without judgement he is helping me with coping tricks to pull me through, but most of all he is teaching me how to love again... He is teaching me that all people make mistakes in their life, in their relationships, in their friendships in their family...and if those special people can not love you unconditionally and without expecting perfection from a "broken" person then it is okay for me to love them from a far and forever hold them in my heart... So that is what I am doing I am "working on me"....
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew.
- Saint Francis de Sales
I would like to say "Thank you" from the bottom of my heart for one very special person. What an amazing thing she did this weekend. Kristen Allen is a dear friend of my BFF Sister and wonderful Tebo, and mine... She made this weekend the most perfect, special weekend I could have ever asked for. She wanted to do something for my sister, however she did so much for me. She made it possible for me to wrap my arms around my sister, something I have needed and wanted to do not only since I left her side in December.. but I needed to wrap my arms around her after a pretty tragic and sad February I have had.. Don't get me wrong the event that happened in my life early Feb. I caused my self. Although my sister along with so many other special people were with me in heart, some drove to be with me and my husband, but I knew they were all reaching out to me. I needed so desperately to wrap my arms around someone close to me, someone who knew my deepest thoughts and someone I knew would not judge me or turn their back on me... Thank you Kristen for making this possible. I know this was for my dear sister but you did this for me too and words can never express my gratitude... I love you Kristen always and forever...
